Resources
Recommended Reading
Healing after Betrayal
When Your Husband Is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart, Vicki Tiede
"When your husband's addiction to pornography leaves you shattered, betrayed, and alone, where do you turn? Who do you turn to? Vicki Tiede, writing from personal experience, gently guides women toward God and away from despair. Through daily readings and questions on six important topics: hope, surrender, trust, identity, brokenness, and forgiveness, you will grow in healing and hope. Allowing God to meet your greatest needs is a long and learned process, but he promises to help you every step of the way. Questions and daily readings are suitable for both individuals and small groups." (Description taken from Amazon.com)
Shattered Vows: Hope and Healing for Women Who Have Been Sexually Betrayed, Debra Laaser
"Infidelity doesn’t have to ruin your life—or your marriage If you have been devastated by your husband’s sexual betrayal—whether an isolated incident or a long-term pattern of addiction—you need to know you don’t have to live as a victim. If you choose to stay in your marriage, you have options other than punishing, tolerating, or ignoring your spouse; in fact, extraordinary growth awaits a woman willing to deal with the pain of her husband’s struggles with sexual purity. Even if a spouse will not participate in a program for healing, a woman who has been sexually betrayed can change her own life in powerful and permanent ways. This sensitive guide provides practical tools to help you make wise and empowering decisions, emotional tools to develop greater intimacy in your life, and spiritual tools to transform your suffering. Debra Laaser’s personal journey through betrayal, her extensive work with hundreds of hurting women, and her intimate marriage two decades after the disclosure of her husband’s infidelity provide meaningful answers to the questions that arise amid the complex fallout of broken vows. The pain endured from sexual betrayal can break your heart, but it does not need to break your life." (Description taken from Amazon.com)
I Surrender All: Rebuilding a Marriage Broken by Pornography, Clay Crosse
"Clay Crosse burst onto the contemporary Christian music scene with his 1994 hit "I Surrender All." And over the next four years, his star climbed higher and higher with more number-one hits and sold-out concerts. But beneath his success lurked a dark secret: He was addicted to pornography. No one knew he had a problem--not even Clay--until the day God took away his voice. What followed that day was a story of the power of grace and forgiveness. Now Clay and Renee tell their story with the prayer that it will help countless other marriages--perhaps even yours." (Description taken from Amazon.com)
Healing from Sexual Sin
Wired for Intimacy, William Struthers
"Finally there's a book that scientifically quantifies what those of us who work in the field of sexual addiction have long understood: pornography powerfully impacts the brain. Wired for Intimacy offers a clear and complete description of the brain and its interplay with human sexuality. Struthers marries an advanced understanding of neurobiology with a thoughtful theology of sexuality and a comprehensive discussion of intimacy. The result is a very readable, understandable book that goes far beyond the typical 'porn is wrong' premise to illustrate why from a biological, emotional, relational and spiritual perspective. Wired for Intimacy surpasses the typical recovery book in its scientific foundation and careful scholarship. This is a much-needed and welcome addition to the Christian literature addressing the pandemic of pornography." (Marnie C. Ferree, M.A, LMFT, director of Bethesda Workshops, author of No Stones: Women Redeemed from Sexual Addiction)
Pure Desire, Ted Roberts
"When someone struggling with sexual sin or addiction comes to you, what do you do? What do you say? How can you help them? More and more people—including Christian leaders—are fighting for their spiritual lives. Now you can counterattack the enemy’s assault with this effective battle plan and strategy against sexual sin. Pure Desire will help you tackle the difficult issues of sexual addiction and pornography with confidence, clarity and with biblical perspective. Take the lead in this spiritual battle. Help lead people from the shadows of sin to a place where they can develop an intimate relationship with God—and experience the healing love of Christ."(Description taken from Amazon.com)
Websites
Pure Life Alliance
http://www.purelifealliance.org
Pure Life Alliance in an intra-church ministry linking resources between and within churches to work together for purity. We seek to assist men and women in their pursuit of healthy sexuality. We want to restore marriages and to deepen their relationship with Christ. Many churches partner with us, providing meeting space, hosting seminars, and offering financial and other resources.
Pure Life Alliance facilitates the networking of churches, For Men Only and Hidden Hurt support groups, counselors, and other special services in the area of purity. Together, this network works more effectively to bring healing and restoration to families and individuals impacted by sexual brokenness.
Covenant Eyes
http://www.covenanteyes.com/
Internet Accountability monitors the websites visited, the search terms used, and the YouTube videos watched, and lists them in an easy-to-read Report that is designed to start a conversation about healthy online habits. Parents, see where your kids go online. Adults, reduce Internet temptations and protect the relationships you value most.
Covenant Eyes also has very useful blog and sends out a newsletter with many wonderfully written articles.
Plugged In
http://www.pluggedin.com/
Plugged In is a Focus on the Family publication designed to shine a light on the world of popular entertainment while giving families the essential tools they need to understand, navigate and impact the culture in which they live. Through our reviews, articles and discussions, we hope to spark intellectual thought, spiritual growth and a desire to follow the command of Colossians 2:8: "See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ."
Net Nanny
http://www.netnanny.com/
Net Nanny reviews web pages in real time and either blocks pornography and other mature content or warns you about it, according to your preferences. Net Nanny includes pre-set monitoring features, which can easily be customized to meet the unique needs of each family member. You decide what type of content is appropriate for everyone.
Local Support Groups
Beaverton/Portland Area
Pure Desire Ministries - For Women Only Groups
(For women whose husbands are struggling with sexual addiction.)
http://www.puredesire.org/get-help/women/
503-489-0234
[email protected]
We have designed materials for groups to help women who are facing the painful reality of being betrayed. Surviving the devastation of porn addiction, an affair, on line sexual activity and prostitutes etc.is not easy. Healing is best walked through in community. We have found that women who have experienced the devastating affects of betrayal can receive real help in a group setting with material that includes biblical truth and clinical tools. Betrayal and Beyond material is designed to answer the questions: How did he get this way? How can I tell if he is getting better? How could I trust him again? Why isn't it my fault? The material helps women deal with the trauma and anger they have experienced. It allows them to grieve the losses and shows them how to create a safety plan when he relapses. Women who go through this material experience support as they process their pain and find their voice. The transformation that takes place allows women to become who God has called them to be; victorious rather than being victims. Women realize they do not need to bear this burden alone and there is hope as they join others in this journey of restoration.
Pure Life Alliance - Hidden Hurt
http://www.purelifealliance.org/women/partners_of_men_who_struggle/group_support
503.750.3992
[email protected]
A ministry of support for wives - or ex-wives, or fiancés, or girlfriends - of men struggling with sexual purity in Portland, Oregon. Women are hurt, confused and shamed into secrecy, assuming that they are at fault. They feel inadequate as wives. Both fear the results of sharing this struggle with their church leadership and community and so live in daily shame, pain and isolation. Hidden Hurt is a safe, confidential place for wives, ex-wives and fiancées of men struggling with sexual purity to receive hope, help and healing. Information, encouragement, accountability and on-going support is provided through weekly small groups.
Local Support Groups for Husbands Struggling with Sexual Purity
Beaverton/Portland Area
423 Men
http://423men.blogspot.com/
503-601-4230
[email protected]
423 Men is for those who have tried and failed to achieve sexual purity. You are not alone. We meet weekly for mutual support, accountability, and to honestly confess our utter dependence on Jesus Christ. You can share your story in a safe, confidential, and anonymous environment with other men who have achieved victory they never dreamed possible.
You can overcome sexual sin, but you can’t do it alone.
There is hope.
Pure Desire Ministries - For Men Only Groups
http://www.puredesire.org/get-help/for-men/
503-489-0238
[email protected]
Dr. Ted Roberts and his team at Pure Desire Ministries International have developed a small group ministry that has been successful in helping men heal from sexual addiction. We partner with local churches to create a Christ centered community of healing. We provide curriculum such as the book that started it all "Pure Desire", and the new workbook released just last year "Seven Pillars of Freedom". We also provide on going consultation to the local church so that when difficulties arise they have the resources of Pure Desire to help them overcome the obstacles."
Short Description
Pure Heart Ministries
http://www.pureheartministries.net
503-341-7685
[email protected]
Biblical. Affordable. Life-changing. Online Video/Phone Counseling in the privacy of your home, office, when you travel, even in other countries; in short anywhere you can get a strong Internet/phone signal. Preheat offers Masters level (M.Div. and MA) pastoral counseling; we have counseled brothers and sister in 45 out of 50 states and 12 countries. We specialize in helping those struggling with porn, masturbation, affairs, and all manner of sexual sin. We also counsel those dealing with abuse, depression, and anxiety, while offering marriage counseling, spiritual mentoring, and help specifically for the wives of sex addicts. Using our unique curriculum filled with WWII stories, images, and comics, we offer a step-by-step process for overcoming sin, dysfunction, and brokenness, so you can become the man or woman of God you've always longed to be. Call today (503-341-7685) for a free assessment.
Local Support Groups for Women Struggling with Sexual Purity
Beaverton/Portland Area
423 Women
[email protected]
423 is a group of women; broken, redeemed, Jesus followers, committed to the process of allowing Holy Spirit to heal us and bring freedom from our present struggle with sexual issues/behavior and love addiction. We do this by stepping into the light, confessing our sins and the sins committed against us in a safe, confidential environment. We are not a recovery group, rather a group committed to asking and allowing Jesus to transform our sexuality that has been broken by our own sexual choices and addictive behavior, the lies Satan has told us about ourselves, and from the culture we live in that has contributed to our wrong thinking about our identity.
We meet for 9 months, once a week in small groups; keeping each other accountable and working through a curriculum that is designed to reveal the root of our struggle and lead us to the feet of Jesus. Contact us confidently to meet with a 423 Women leader.
Local Counselors
Beaverton/Portland Area
Pure Heart Ministries
http://www.pureheartministries.net/
503-341-7685
[email protected]
Pureheart offers effective, affordable, confidential, and Biblically-grounded counseling. Pureheart specializes in teaching Christian men and women how to break free of sexual sin, walk in consistent purity, and live out their God-given destiny. Additionally, we have years of experience treating adults dealing with chemical addiction, depression, posttraumatic stress disorder, childhood abuse and trauma, grief recovery, and/or phase of life issues. We offer Christian sexual addiction counseling over the phone and locally if you live in the Portland, Oregon Metro area. Pureheart counselors are Master’s level counselors and/or experienced pastors who have themselves overcome sexual addiction and now walk in consistent purity.
Steve Green, Impact Biblical Counseling
http://impactbiblicalcounseling.com
301-335-5920
[email protected]
Mission: We seek to support the shepherding ministry of the Church in the Pacific Northwest through Biblical counseling, training, and writing.
Biblical Counseling: Scripture directs us and shapes what we offer. The Bible speaks meaningfully to every aspect of life in real day to day settings. It informs how we face the joys, as well as the trials and difficulties, of our lives. God cares about who we are as well as how we live. We focus our work in counseling on heart level change so that the behavioral changes that follow are built on a foundation that will last even after the crises are over.
Impact coordinates our counseling with the local church’s ministry to their members. Frequently churches and counselors act independently of one another and the benefits of a combined ministry are lost. God has created us with a need for community and we believe the best context for counseling is in community. When we isolate counseling from the church we dramatically limit our ability to promote long term healing. We hope to provide counseling in a setting in which the benefits of counseling are enhanced by the cooperation between spiritual leadership and Biblical counselors.
We are servicing the greater Portland and Willamette Valley areas. We have launched Impact to provide solid Biblical counseling as a support for churches that recognize the need to provide both discipleship and counseling for their people. Discipleship provides the systematic equipping that is necessary for believers to grow in grace. This is the process of learning the truths of Scripture and applying those truths in the day to day issues in our lives.
Georgia and Dennis Miller
http://www.heartwords.org/Pages/Counseling.aspx
We are what are called "lay counselors". We are not licensed professional counselors, but we have found that when a couple goes through the trauma of discovering or confession of sexual addiction by a spouse, the most important thing they need to hear is "You are not alone". Most of the wives that go through this trauma feel that they are somehow at fault and in some cases "professionals" have actually indicated that it is their fault. Most men, if they are the offender, generally want things to be different but don't know how to stop the acting out or to have long term recovery. Statistics show that over half of the men that attend church struggle with pornography so men are not alone either. Between us, whether we meet with a couple or one on one, we can offer a listening, understanding ear, some referrals to professional counselors, our own experience in recovery and what has worked for us to get us to where we are.
If you or someone you know has just begun to face the trauma of betrayal by a spouse being unfaithful or in some type of sexual sin, just have them contact us through our contact page and we will do our best, with God's help and direction, to help people through the crisis time of the trauma.
Whether via email, telephone, or over a cup of coffee, we would be glad to help.
Earl and Sandy Wilson
http://tuffstuffministries.com/
503-654-8387
[email protected]
[email protected]
Tuff Stuff Ministries (TSM) exists to do just what the name implies: to help people with the difficult things in their lives. These difficult things include sexual temptation, moral failure, betrayal, and broken relationships. People’s lives are impacted by loss of family, loss of jobs, poor decisions, personal failure… you know the kind of “tough stuff” to which we are referring.
Statistically, either you or someone you know is in need of help right now.
We want to be there for you.